


macaroni and cheesy confessions

by Argentina



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort Food, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, bruhh i don't remember writing this at all, but i'll post it for y'all jamilton shippers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 13:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19252243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Argentina/pseuds/Argentina
Summary: “Eat.” Alex pressures, moving the bowl closer to Thomas. “I didn’t see you order anything for lunch today.”





	macaroni and cheesy confessions

**Author's Note:**

> I DON'T REMEMBER WRITING THIS, I LITERALLY DO NOT  
> i found it on my google drive and it was probably like the beginning of this year but i couldn't remember writing this or even seeing it at all and i had to read through it while trying not to die of embarrassment even though it's my own fic 
> 
> since it's not that bad i'll post it, lol enjoy, guys
> 
> it's really weird tho i seriously don't remember this
> 
> i don't know what to title it so lmao sorry for the cheap joke
> 
> oh and as always, unedited so please ignore mistakes

James Madison is saying something, probably rambling off about his new girlfriend, but Thomas tunes out of the entire rave and stares blankly at the table on the other side of the cafeteria instead. There’s nothing particularly extraordinary about the table itself, but it’s who sits there that’s relevant to Thomas. Alexander Hamilton with the rest of the squad are chattering away without a care in the world, and Thomas wishes he could be part of it.

They don’t like him, unfortunately, mainly because of his political views. Maybe it’s because of his attitude as well, but Thomas would rather not dive into the details. His self esteem is low enough as it is. The group is tightly woven anyway, and they haven’t let anybody in for years now, so he stands no chance either way. 

The boisterous racket in the cafeteria is extremely loud, just like it always gets whenever a bunch of people gather together. There’s no place more crowded than the cafeteria during mealtimes. Thomas just wants to get out, he wants to leave and never come back. What he needs is solitude and silence, not this. 

He wants to stand up and walk away, but then he remembers that James is still beside him, ceaselessly talking. “James.” He says, grabbing his phone from the table. He didn’t have much of an appetite today, so there’s no plate of food in front of him. That’s one less thing to worry about, on the bright side. 

“Hm?” James asks, picking up his fork again, now that Thomas stopped him from ranting. 

“I’m going to the library.” He says, making up a random place to go to. He didn’t plan this out, but the library sounds like a decent choice. If he wants peace, he can get that in the quiet ambience among the shelves. 

“Okay.” James says before getting back to eating his food. “Working on something?” 

“Something like that.” Thomas mutters. More like trying to survive the day. “I’ll see you in class after lunch.”

James nods, letting Thomas go. Randomly leaving became commonplace now, because Thomas seems to be doing this more and more frequently. James is curious, but he knows when to keep his distance to show respect, and Thomas couldn’t be more grateful for that. 

He makes his way to the library, tracing the familiar steps to the place he visits so often. Running his hand through his hair, he sighs and pulls out his phone. There are a few messages from the group chats for his classes, but nothing special. Sometimes, he wishes that someone would care about him and reach out when he needs it the most, but that’s far too much to ask for. Why would anyone do that for him?

He walks into the double doors and enters the room, the familiar scent of books wafting towards him. He almost as feels happy, but not quite. Just because nothing bad is happening doesn’t mean life is good all of sudden. There’s always that in between area, where you feel nothing. That’s exactly where he is right now. 

Pulling out his usual chair at a table near the back of the library, he takes a seat and drops his bag off on the floor beside his feet. There’s nothing that he actually needs to do here, so he justs puts his head down on the table, trying hard not to let any of his negative thoughts seep into his head. 

Of course, he ends up failing and tries to force himself to feel better by taking deep breaths and willing himself to stay calm. He stays in that position for quite a while, praying that the next period comes up quickly so he can get back to class as soon as possible. He didn’t like spending time with a bunch of incompetent students, but writing always helps him take his mind off things, so he’s hoping that it’ll do just that. 

He can hear the light ticking of his wrist watch near his left ear and focuses on the sound. It’s calming, but not enough to ground him. 

He groans and squeezes his eyes shut, resisting the urge to slam his head down on the table. He almost fails on doing that as well, already starting to lift his head in preparation when Alexander walks into the vicinity. They both spot each other right away, and Alex walks over to Thomas’s seat. 

He sets a bowl of macaroni and cheese down on the table. It’s one of those cheap ones you can get for a dollar, the instant ones that can be made by simply adding hot water into the container and then sprinkling the cheese mix in. It’s nothing special, but it’s Thomas’s favorite type of macaroni. 

“Eat.” Alex pressures, moving the bowl closer to Thomas. “I didn’t see you order anything for lunch today.” 

Did he just admit to paying attention to Thomas? That’s a new one, and it most definitely was not what Thomas was expecting, but hey, he wasn’t complaining.

He awkwardly takes the spoon in his hand and holds the bowl of macaroni in the other, and just gives Alex a weird look. Alex just stands there expectantly, making Thomas feel even more uncomfortable. 

“Um, thank you?” Thomas acknowledges in the most awkward way possible, tentatively taking a bite of the macaroni and cheese. It’s weird enough having someone stare at him eating, but it’s even weirder to know that it’s Alexander Hamilton. 

The food is good, Thomas won’t deny that, but he still has to force a smile because he feels like throwing up. He tends to feel physically unwell when he’s not in a good mental place, and that’s exactly what’s happening right now. 

Alexander’s brow furrows in a mixture of confusion and worry. He knows that Thomas absolutely loves Mac and cheese, so the food itself couldn’t possibly be the issue. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing, nothing. Thanks for the food, I really appreciate it.” Thomas says, shoving more of his lunch into his mouth so he wouldn’t have to keep talking. 

If Alexander suspects anything, he doesn’t voice his thoughts. He just nods and checks the time. There’s only a minute left before class starts again, but he doesn’t want to rush Thomas. “I’ll stay here with you if you’d like.” He offers, trying to figure out a way to let him finish his lunch while not making him feel like he’s missing out on anything important. Alexander is the person he debates with the most anyway, so there’s no real argument if they’re not both in class together. 

“Oh no, you don’t have to stay, it’s fine.” Thomas counters, trying to get Alex to go to class. He was planning on throwing away the food the moment Alex walks out the door, but decides against it since he knows that money doesn’t come easily for Alex and that it would be an insult to toss it out. 

“I insist.” Alexander says, dropping his bag off on the carpeted floor and pulling a chair out, proving that he’s staying.

“Have it your way.” Thomas mutters, not bothering to cover up his mood. Alexander just frowns at him.

“Seriously, though, what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.” Thomas says, using the same reply as last time. 

“You’re clearly upset; is it Madison?” Alex asks, trying to pry deeper into the issue. 

“No.” Thomas rolls his eyes. “It’s never James, he never does anything wrong.” 

“Right,” Alex gives a halfhearted nod, still racking his brain for any reason why his classmate might be brooding. “Is it me?” He mentions suddenly, causing Thomas to look up sharply and locking eyes with him. 

And then Thomas just shrugs, looking away. Shrug as in imply a yes to the question, except he doesn’t want to word it aloud. It’s one thing for Alex to be suspecting something, but it’s completely something else for Thomas to practically admit it and confirm the assumptions. And at that exact moment, Alex feels utterly helpless. How could be solve a problem that he caused himself? 

“Thomas…” He starts, but trails off as he decides what to say, choosing his words carefully. He doesn’t want to destroy whatever shred of dignity Thomas has left, or maybe he’s being cautious to protect himself as well. “Tell me what you want, and I’ll help you.” 

Thomas simply shakes his head, refusing to accept pity from his arch nemesis. “No, you can’t.” 

“If I am the reason for all this, then I obviously can.” He counters. Always trying to contradict anything he can, that guy. 

“Let me rephrase this.” Thomas mumbles. “You wouldn’t want to.” 

“I’d do anything if it means helping you.” Alexander reassures, clearly not knowing the cost of his words. Making an agreement before knowing the terms is never the right way to go about things. 

“You won’t.” Thomas suddenly wants to run, run as far as he can away from the library. He wants nothing more than to run back to his dorm and never see Alexander again, because not seeing Alex means that he won’t have to worry about being distracted or heartbroken or anything about Alex. He wouldn’t have to care about this man that had managed to encapsulate his heart without even trying. 

“You don’t know that.” Alex fights back, standing in front of Thomas to prevent the taller man from leaving. He must’ve seen Thomas flinch slightly out of his chair and set his eyes on the exit a few moments prior. “Don’t block me out.”

That line is all it takes for Thomas to legitimately consider telling Alex about the issue. Those warm words almost make Alex seem harmless and good willed, but he’s not sure. Not sure if he can trust this person that he’s supposed to despise, not sure if he can trust himself either. There’s always doubt about those around you, but being doubtful of yourself is completely something else. Thomas knows both feelings, separately and simultaneously. 

A part of him wants to confide in Alex without hesitation, but another part of him wants to just leave for good. It’s a matter of facing his problems or running away from them, and Thomas is torn in between both options. He’s never been great at making decisions, but he has to do so now. 

He picks Alexander over anything else. All the options pale in comparison to the luxury of just being with this brilliant man, and nothing is going to stop Thomas from accepting the offer now. 

“I love you.” He states, his voice barely louder than a whisper, yet conveying such a sturdy and confident tone. The three words almost sound breathless, but asserted with passion and a fierce personality. It sounds inaudible and clear. All at the exact same time.

Alexander doesn’t even look taken aback in the slightest bit, on the contrary, he certainly does look a lot happier. His facial expression breaks into a grin and he leans closer to Thomas, so close that Thomas can practically see every single strand of hair that falls out of his ponytail and the light freckles on his cheeks. All the little and insignificant features of Alexander’s face suddenly becomes a lot more relevant to Thomas. "Things only change when you change your perception on them"; Thomas has never understood that quote until now, and he doesn’t regret it one bit. 

 

“I love you too.” Alexander says, his voice not much different from Thomas’s when he first said it. Alex cautiously tilts Thomas’s chin downward. Thomas doesn’t say anything, and he doesn’t leave any hints that he wants this, but he knows that he truly does, and Alexander knows this as well.

 

Without a word, Alex presses his lips against Thomas’s, and neither of them hesitate or resist.


End file.
